Do you spend a lot of time feeling anxious? If your friends and colleagues see you as being overly timid, you could be missing out on a lot of opportunities. One of your friends may be trying to introduce you to someone interesting, but you keep turning down the chance because the thought of a blind date terrifies you. Or your boss may want you to represent the company at an international conference, but hesitates to ask because he knows you’ll probably be too frightened to take the opportunity. These scenarios are just two examples of opportunities lost because of nervousness. Here’s how to become more like those people who do not hesitate to grab such chances with both hands.

Talk the talk

First of all, you have to change what you say - to the people around you, sure, but it’s even more important to change what you say to yourself. You may not even realize that you are holding a continual internal dialogue with yourself. Anytime you encounter something which makes you nervous, I’ll bet that a two-way conversation that probably sounds very much like this is running through your head: “Oh, here comes that cute new guy from advertising - should I talk to him?” “Oh no - what would I say?” “Well, you’d probably say something stupid and he won’t remember your name anyway. The whole thing will end up being really embarrassing.” This kind of silent inner talk is self-sabotaguing and will keep you in a state of permanent turmoil if you don’t learn to control it. By constantly affirming that you will mess up, and reminding yourself that it’s always too scary to take a chance on doing something new or “dangerous”, you ensure that you never, ever change. Start taking note of the dialogue you have with yourself, and resolve to replace that kind of negativity with empowering messages. With this new attitude, the above self-defeating dialogue is replaced with something like: “Oh, here comes that cute new guy from advertising - I’m going to say hello” “Good idea - he’ll probably welcome someone being friendly to him.” “This will be fun”. The result will not only make you more confident and less nervous, it might even lead to a date Saturday night!

Walk the walk

If you tend towards being overly nervous, you’ve probably adapted your body language to send out clear messages which say “leave me alone - please don’t confront or frighten me”. You may be wondering why people find it so difficult to approach you, and seem reluctant to start conversations with you. Notice your mannerisms, and begin to change them. Straighten up, push your shoulders out and take five deep breaths. Use this new sense of feeling centered and confident, and keep your head up as you walk - look into people’s eyes and smile instead of frowning and studying the patterns in the carpet. You’ll find that this kind of body language works fast to attract people to you, as you begin to be seen as a dynamic, confident person who is approachable and fun to be around.

Commit to the change

Although these techniques are simple and easy to implement one at a time into your daily life, the changes which will result will be remarkable. But in order to continue the good work, you must be consistent. Even if you don’t feel particularly outgoing on a Monday morning before a big meeting, make the effort to talk to yourself and others positively, as you smile and look your colleagues in the eye. You’ll find that your new behaviour makes you feel much better, and your improved mood will be noticed by everyone else, too. Who knows - you may even start seeking out those lost opportunities and find that there was no reason to fear them after all.

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